


Napoleon's Little Black Book Affair

by atributetotheclassicmovies



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Napoleon thinks about his tiny Russian partner all the time, Sleep talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 16:03:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7394173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atributetotheclassicmovies/pseuds/atributetotheclassicmovies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's that time again! Napoleon wonders what kind of secret Illya will reveal in his sleep tonight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Napoleon's Little Black Book Affair

**Author's Note:**

> The sleep talking idea came up one night when I prepared to go to sleep. I wasn't sure how the story would turn out initially, but here it is. Hope it will make you feel very cute and sweet <3

Napoleon closes his eyes. He feels his breathing becomes quicker and heavier. _Illya…_ He really wants to kiss those lips… _for years._ They must be so soft, so warm, and they must taste… umm… _heavenly._ Napoleon bites his lower lip as he imagines pressing his against Illya’s. He also has this urge to run his fingers through Illya’s soft blond hair, and… and… Napoleon let out a deep sigh. 

……

“Do you have any questions, Mr. Solo?” 

Napoleon opens his eyes and finds himself in the UNCLE briefing room with several other agents. They all turn to him curiously. Napoleon leans forward and clears his throat. 

“Um, no.” 

“Then I expect your full attention.” Waverly says as he narrows his eyes. 

“Yes sir. I’m sorry.” 

Napoleon shifts his eyes and catches Illya’s glance. His partner looks slightly amused. 

 

Napoleon follows Illya out as they finish the meeting. He can’t help but study Illya secretly from the back, and his mind drifts again. Napoleon loves his tiny Russian partner. It might be love at the first sight… _No! It IS love at the first sight._ The memory of their first meeting is still vivid in his mind. _Just like yesterday._ He remembers shaking Illya’s strong, warm hand and was dazzled by his new partner’s beauty. Illya’s clear blue eyes were the first things that captured Napoleon’s heart. They glittered with brightness and looked directly into his soul. Then there was Illya’s blond hair. Slightly longer in Napoleon’s standard, but it looked so soft and touchable, Napoleon stood mesmerized. His love for Illya only grows stronger and firmer as they started to spend more time together. Napoleon admires Illya’s intelligence and competence on handling missions and weapons. He loves to hear him speaking all kinds of languages. He also finds Illya’s stubbornness can be quite adorable. They are two very different people, but like magnets, they attract and attach to each other immediately. When they became acquainted with each other, Napoleon began to develop a new habit: teasing Illya. He made up silly names like “pussycat”, “filthy”, “little flower”, and enjoyed seeing Illya’s face redden and pouted his lips in disapproval. There are a lot of times when they are being held in tiny spaces, and Napoleon often has this desire to cuddle up even closer with Illya. He wants to put his arms around him, listens to his breathing, and feels his warmth… 

 

“Waverly won’t need us today, so I guess we have this evening off. Do you want to get dinner together?” Illya looks back at Napoleon casually. 

Still wandering in his sweet memories, Napoleon feels his body as light as a feather. If it isn’t Illya’s voice, Napoleon believes he will float away in no time. 

“Yes?” He finally snaps back to reality. 

“I said, do you want to get dinner together? Or do you have a date already?” Illya narrows his eyes. 

“Oh, sure, why, no date at all.” 

Illya examines him up and down carefully. “What a surprise.” 

Napoleon chuckles. “Do I sense a little jealousy in Mr. Kuryakin’s words?” He playfully pats on Illya’s cheek. 

“Don’t be absurd, Napoleon.” 

Napoleon is amused to see that his partner blushes and turns away. It makes him look like a little boy. They walk in the elevator and wait for the door to close. 

“So, what do you want for dinner? To be clear, I’m not going to that Italian restaurant again. Their spaghettis are way too oily and I don’t like their pizza at all.” 

“Spoiled brat.” Napoleon teases. 

“I just know better food than you do.” 

*****

Shortly after the plane takes off, Illya closes his eyes and immediately falls asleep. His head slowly slumps down on Napoleon’s left shoulder. Napoleon always marvels Illya’s ability to sleep anywhere, anytime. _His face looks so peaceful._ Napoleon smiles. Illya’s hair tickles his face, but he does not care at all. He asks for a blanket and gently places it on Illya’s lap. He then puts his head lightly on Illya’s hair, feeling the slight movement of his partner’s body. Napoleon wakes up thirty minutes before landing and not only finds Illya’s head still resting on his shoulder, but both of his hands grab on to his lapel. Napoleon chuckles. 

He whispers. “Hey, Illya, wake up. We’re almost there.” 

Illya mumbles with his eyes closed. Napoleon tries again. 

“Hey, partner my, time to wake up!” 

Illya breathes in loudly, opens his eyes and sees Napoleon grinning broadly at him. 

“Oh, thank you.” 

Illya feels slightly embarrassed when he sees where his hands are. He loosens his grips and helps Napoleon smooth it out. 

“I’m sorry.” Illya says. 

“That’s quite alright.” 

Napoleon is delighted to see that some of Illya’s hairs stand up. _Gosh, he’s adorable._ If it is possible, Napoleon really wants to bury his face in them.

……

Napoleon and Illya’s mission this time is to get hold of a new Thrush chemical device that is hidden in an abandoned garage. It is not a particular difficult mission, consider both of them are competent, experienced UNCLE agents. However, a little accident is inevitable in the line of duty. When Napoleon and Illya are searching for the device, several Thrushies open fire. The two immediately take cover and fire back. While Napoleon aims his gun on one of the Thrushies, Illya notices another Thrushie’s gun, which is directly aiming at Napoleon. Without hesitation, Illya shouts out Napoleon’s name and blocks the bullet with his own body. Napoleon immediately turns back in time to finish the remaining Thrushie. He feels the world spinning as he sees Illya lying motionless on the floor. He kneels down besides Illya and puts his palm on Illya’s forehead then slides down to his cheek. 

“Illya?” 

There’s no answer. Napoleon widens his eyes in horror. He holds up Illya’s upper body and gently shakes him. 

“Illya? Talk to me Illya! Illya! Don’t do this to me!” 

Napoleon sees Illya slowly opens his eyes. 

“Stop shouting, Napoleon. Do you want to wake all the Thrushies up?” 

Napoleon smiles in relief. “Glad you are still with us.” 

“I’m not that easy to die. After all, it’s merely a scratch.” 

Napoleon examines Illya’s blooding left arm and applies pressure on it with a handkerchief. 

“Ouch!” Illya groans. 

“Merely a scratch, huh?” Napoleon teases. 

“It’s not the wound! It’s you! You are doing this all wrong!” 

He ignores Illya’s protest completely. After a while, Illya gives up and let Napoleon does whatever he feels fit for the wound. The bleeding stops and Napoleon stands up. 

He offers a hand. “Need help getting up?” 

“No.” Illya replies but then extends his right arm. 

Napoleon pulls him up. “You are a pretentious guy, you know?” 

The two get hold of the device and look over to Thrushies’ dead bodies. 

“I guess our job is done.” Illya says. 

“Let’s call the clean-up team and report back to Mr. Waverly.” Napoleon takes out his communicator and uncaps it.

 

Napoleon and Illya enjoy a mini post-mission celebration in their hotel room. After that, Napoleon helps Illya with the bandages and they both go to bed. Illya once again demonstrates his fast sleeping ability. However, Napoleon finds himself staring at the ceiling fighting insomnia. He usually doesn’t have any sleep problems, but he experiences them more and more often recently. He knows what is wrong. It is his relationship with Illya. He never doubts that Illya views him as a great, important friend, and he is certain that his partner will do anything to protect him in missions. But is their relationship strictly platonic? Is it possible they become… _lovers?_ He isn’t sure. Illya is too cool to tell. And there is another thing that concerns Napoleon deeply: that is the danger of their job. If the bullet goes through Illya’s heart instead of his arm today… Then he will lose his partner forever without even having a chance to say that he loves him. Everything will be too late. Everything will be too late… 

Napoleon shuts his eyes and tries to forget this terrible thought. He looks over to Illya and senses the rhythmic movements of his body. Napoleon feels his body itches by the sight. He turns to face the wall and sighs. 

“Na… poleon…” Illya murmurs. 

“Hmm?” Napoleon answers without giving it a second thought. 

Then there is a long silence. He frowns and suspects that insomnia starts making him hallucinates. 

“Napoleon…” Illya murmurs again. His voice is thick with sleepiness. 

This time, Napoleon is certain that it is indeed his partner’s voice. 

“Illya?” 

He turns to face him but finds Illya is still asleep. _Wait. Illya talks in his sleep_? Is this the first time? Or is it just that Napoleon never notices it before? He is delighted to find another little unknown fact about Illya and he really wants to know what his partner will say next. To his disappointment, all he hears the next fifteen minutes is Illya’s steady breathing and nothing else. 

“Well then.” Napoleon settles back to his bed. 

“Good night, Illya.” Napoleon says as he finally feels his eyelids become heavier. 

Illya suddenly let out a long, almost inhuman sigh, which startles Napoleon. He turns on a little lamp beside. 

“Illya, are you alright?” 

Illya licks his lips. Light seems to have no effect on him. He continues in a sleepy voice. 

“I… I… really like you touching me Napoleon. I feel… being protected, and… and… I feel safe.” 

Napoleon listens in disbelief at first, but that is soon replaced by a huge grin. Even though he loves to touch Illya, he often tries to restrain himself, because he is not sure whether Illya enjoys this kind of physical closeness as much as he does. But now he knows. Napoleon can’t help but grin broader. 

“But don’t touch my waist, it’s so ticklish.” Illya frowns. 

Napoleon smirks when he hears this. He doesn’t know where the idea comes from, but he quickly and quietly pulls out a little black notebook and writes down some words. 

_Illya’s waist is ticklish_

Napoleon adds something on the top.

_Illya’s weakness_

He circles it to emphasize how important this fact is. His mind starts to imagine a scene of him tickling Illya’s waist. Illya will definitely giggle so hard and demands him to stop. The only way he will stop is if Illya let him kiss him. Napoleon smiles mischievously. He abandons this fantasy when he hears Illya mutters another sentence. 

“Napoleon… you look nice today… No… you look vvvvveeeeerrrry nice today…” Illya pauses. Napoleon widens his eyes, waiting for Illya. 

“… you… you always look very nice Napoleon.” 

Napoleon swallows hard and writes the words down in his notebook. That night, Napoleon prays there will be another opportunity for him to take a peek inside Illya’s mind or perhaps, more accurately… _his heart._

…...

“Did you sleep well yesterday?” Napoleon asks as they are having breakfast. 

Illya answers without looking at him. 

“Very well, thank you. How about you?” 

“Vvvveeeeeeerrrrry well.” Napoleon tries not to break into a smile. 

Illya furrows his brows by his partner’s out-of-nowhere excitement. He tilts his head in confusion. 

“What’s so funny?” 

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just eat your breakfast.” 

Illya gives Napoleon another puzzled look and picks up a piece of toast. Napoleon can’t help but smirk. How different Illya was the last night! He talks so openly about his feelings… _for him_ , but now, the ice prince is back. Through the years of their friendship, Napoleon comes to know and understand his Russian partner. Contrast to the popular view, Illya is actually a passionate person, who simply doesn’t show on his face that often. There’s a fire inside Illya, and Napoleon wants to see it.

*****

To Napoleon’s disappointment, Illya does not reveal any of his “secrets” in his sleep after that night, despite Napoleon’s intense praying everyday. He never feels so religious. Napoleon sighs but his natural optimism tells him that at least he has a piece of sweet memory that belongs to him forever. While Napoleon abandons all hopes, Illya speaks again. Without further delay, Napoleon is ready with his little black book. He flips to the second page and writes down the date. He bites his lips and waits for Illya’s words. 

“I don’t like seeing you flirting with all those women, Napoleon. I don’t know why, I just don’t like it.” Illya pouts. 

Napoleon finds it even more adorable in his sleep. He slightly shakes his head. 

“Jealous baby.” 

“And I don’t understand why we always go to that restaurant! They always put ketchup and mustard on my sandwiches, even though I already told them not too!” 

Napoleon chuckles and notes that down. 

“So today is a complaining day? Huh? What else don’t you like?” 

Illya licks his lips. 

“But that doesn’t matter… Napoleon… you really have a nice butt… I… I like staring at it…” 

Illya swallows hard, but Napoleon swallows harder. WOW, WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Napoleon gasps. Did he hear it right? Illya likes to stare at his… butt. So does that mean Illya is lusting for him like he already does? 

Napoleon is so excited. He forgets how to spell the word “butt”. 

……

Nowadays, Napoleon pulls out his little black book from time to time and reads it joyfully. He secretly calls it “a book you need to know all about Illya Kuryakin”. He grins at Illya’s little secrets. 

“What’s that?” 

Napoleon immerses himself too deeply in his world, he does not notice Illya, who is right behind him. 

“What’s what?” Napoleon quickly hides the notebook away. 

Illya narrows his eyes and frowns. 

“Speaking about this, I need to ask you about something, my friend.” He displays his most innocent smile. 

“Ok.” A tiny bit of suspicion still lingers in Illya’s eyes. 

“So, Illya, what do you know about sleep talking?” 

Illya glances at him and puts on his dark glasses. They make him look even smarter.

“Why do you want to know?” 

“I am curious, Illya. Come on, please.” 

Illya sighs. “Fine. Sleep talking is also known as somniloquy. It might happen to people of all ages and it might occur in all parts of sleep. It is said that children sleep talk more often than adults, but that is just one of the theories. It might accompany with teeth grinding or sleep walking, but that’s unusual in most people’s case.” 

Illya frowns when he sees Napoleon grins at him. 

“What do they usually say?” He asks. 

“Oh, they say everything, some make sense, and some might not. Some of them use short words, but others speak in elaborate sentences.” 

“Will they reveal their… deepest secrets?” 

“Not necessary, even though people generally believe that.” 

“Do you believe that?” 

Napoleon leans forward, his nose almost touches Illya’s. 

“I don’t know. Maybe.” 

“Maybe.” 

Napoleon smiles sweetly and leaves the bewildered Illya standing there.

*****

Each night with Illya becomes Napoleon’s favorite time. He can’t believe how lucky he is to know Illya more in quite an unconventional manner. He is content to see his little black book gradually fills up with his partner’s little secrets. _Only he knows. Only him._ Napoleon grins at his own exclusiveness. What Illya likes, dislikes, his weaknesses, and his feelings for Napoleon are all in it. 

 

As usual, Napoleon sits beside his sleeping partner. He wonders what Illya will say today. 

“I meant to tell you…” Illya pauses and clears his throat. “Tell you that…” 

“Tell me what?” The words come out before Napoleon can stop them, and he is surprised by how loud he sounds. He hopes he doesn’t wake Illya up, but it is too late. Illya opens his eyes and yawns. 

“Napoleon? Are you alright? Why aren’t you asleep?” 

“Oh, I’m alright,” Napoleon tries to sound as normal as possible. “just not very sleepy.” 

“Oh.” Illya’s eyes slide to the little black book Napoleon is holding. 

He quickly slips it under his pillow and gives Illya a guilty smile. 

“Goodnight, Illya.” 

Napoleon sees that slight suspicion in Illya’s eyes again, but they are soon replaced by sleepiness. 

“Ok, goodnight, Napoleon. Turn off the light before you go to sleep, will you?” 

Illya turns over and falls asleep. _Damn you, Napoleon Solo! You fool!_ Napoleon curses himself under his breath. What did Illya want to tell him? Napoleon feels something big is coming, and he hates that it is his foolishness that interrupts it. Napoleon sighs as he turns off the light. 

……

What did Illya want to tell him? Napoleon still can’t get his brain around. Is it the defining sentence that shows Illya agrees to move their relationship further? Napoleon bites the end of his pen and writes down three big question marks after “what Illya meant to tell me”. 

*****

Napoleon and Illya eat at a buffet. Napoleon pulls out his little black book again. 

“That’s the third time I see you with that.” Illya comes back with another plate of food. 

“With what?” Napoleon puts on that innocent smile again. 

“You know what. That little black book of yours.” Illya puts a piece of meat in his mouth. 

Napoleon knows it is no use to deny it any further. 

“It’s just my grocery list.” 

“But you grin at it all the time.” 

“But I love my groceries, Illya.” 

Napoleon runs his finger through a random page and reads. 

“Let’s see. I’m going to buy a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of mustard and put them on my sandwich.” Napoleon grins at him. He knows that will keep Illya away. 

Illya shakes his head in disgust. “Yuck!”

……

Napoleon barely sleeps now. Dark circles form under his eyes, but he doesn’t give a damn. All he cares is to be prepared right on time and notes down what Illya says at night. However, nature eventually has her way. Napoleon dozes off on countless UNCLE briefings or other public occasions, and he yawns all the time. 

“Napoleon? Are you all right?” 

Illya’s words seem so far away. All Napoleon sees in front of him is a blur. 

“Wake up, Napoleon! Be careful your step!” 

Napoleon opens his eyes and sees the elevator door opens. His legs almost give out. 

“Oh!” Illya catches Napoleon just in time before he almost stumbles and falls. 

“Thank you.” Napoleon mumbles. 

“I’ve been worry about you, Napoleon. You look very tired and distracted. Do you have enough sleep?” 

Napoleon wants to laugh. How can he sleep knowing gold is in front of him every night? And Illya… _He is the distraction, it’s him!_ But that is a sweet burden Napoleon does not mind to carry. He smiles as Illya assists him back to his apartment. 

 

“You really need to go to bed now, Napoleon.” Illya says as he takes off his shoes and hurries him into bed. 

Napoleon follows Illya’s words without any complains. His eyes can hardly open. He falls asleep immediately after his head hits the pillow. He doesn’t know how long he has slept, but a wave of terror suddenly seizes him and he wakes up. Illya is asleep beside him. _Shit!_ Napoleon struggles to find his little black book and opens to a new page. He turns on the little lamp beside and looks at Illya’s peaceful sleeping face. Napoleon yawns as he fights to open his eyelids, finally, he gives in and falls back to sleep. His little notebook accidently drops on Illya’s face. 

“Ouch!” Illya picks it up. 

“What’s this?” Then he recognizes it. It is the little notebook Napoleon is so attach too. 

Illya tries to ignore it, but he eventually gives in to temptation. 

“Sorry, Napoleon.” Illya opens up the first page. 

He blushes, but can’t stop reading. 

“Did I really say these in my sleep?” Illya smiles and slightly shakes his head. “How embarrassing! Guess I gave all my secrets away.” 

He looks over to Napoleon. 

“Oh, Napoleon, no wonder you are so attach to this.” Illya takes out a pen. 

“Umm… Let’s see.” He writes something down in the notebook and gently puts it back in Napoleon’s hand. 

……

“Do you sleep well yesterday?” Illya asks Napoleon as they walk into their office. 

“Very well, I haven’t slept for days.” Napoleon stretches. 

He definitely looks more energetic than the previous days. 

“I know.” Illya smirks. 

“Know what?” This time, it is Napoleon’s turn to be confused. 

“I know everything.” Illya smiles mischievously, because he knows he has the upper hand now.

*****

Napoleon accompanies Illya back to his apartment. 

“Well, goodnight Illya.” 

“Goodnight Napoleon. Sleep tight.” 

Napoleon turns away from Illya’s door, but immediately turns back. 

“How’s your arm?” 

“What arm?” 

“You know… when your arm got shot that time…” 

“That was almost a month ago, Napoleon.” 

“Yes, I know. I just… suddenly thought about it.” 

Napoleon turns to leave again. 

“Why don’t you ask?” Illya calls after him. 

“Ask what?” Napoleon says. 

“Coming in.” 

Napoleon smiles shyly. “Ok, you got me. May I come in?” 

Illya grins. “Yes, you may.” 

…...

Illya can’t wait to see Napoleon’s reactions after seeing his little black book tonight. 

“I’m going to bed, Napoleon.” 

“That soon? It’s only 10 o’clock.” 

“I’m tired. Enjoy yourself, Napoleon.” Illya walks into the bedroom. 

Napoleon frowns. Enjoy himself? What is Illya talking about? Why is his partner acting so mysterious? Illya leaves the little lamp on and pretends to fall asleep. He really can’t wait to see what will happen next. Twenty minutes later, Illya feels Napoleon walks into his bedroom and sits down beside him. Illya opens one of his eyes and sees Napoleon flips open his little notebook. 

“Oh, here we go!” Illya feels very excited. 

Napoleon turns to a new page and waits. After ten minutes, he starts to feel impatient and turns to the previous page. Napoleon widens his eyes in disbelief and feels his body suddenly heats up. His face redden as he sees what follow the three big question marks are three giant words in Illya’s handwriting.

I LOVE YOU.

_I love you!_ Napoleon rubs his eyes. This is Illya’s handwriting! Illya can’t help but laugh. His body shakes violently. He tries to hide it by covering his head with the blanket, but the vibrating sheet gives him away. _Oh, Illya you, you!_ Napoleon turns to him. 

“Illya Kuryakin, you forget what I know about you!” 

Napoleon pulls off Illya’s blanket, holds him, and starts tickling his waist. Illya giggles and tries to push Napoleon away. 

“Stop it. Stop it! Napoleon!” 

“Does Illya Kuryakin give up? Or does he want more?” 

Illya can’t stop giggling. “No…” 

“So you want more, huh?” 

Napoleon’s body almost presses on Illya’s. 

“Ok, ok, I give up. I give up. Illya Kuryakin gives up.” 

Napoleon stops and Illya let out a breath. The world suddenly becomes very quiet around them. Their gazes stay with each other for a while. Nothing matters now. All they want is each other. Illya closes his eyes and pulls Napoleon in for a kiss. A kiss soon turns into a long and passionate one. Illya’s lips are as soft as Napoleon imagines or maybe more so. It sends a thrill down his whole body. Both of them are panting after the long kiss. 

“Oh, Illya.” Napoleon embraces him. 

“I want you for so long, Illya.” He holds him tighter. 

“I can tell.” 

Napoleon pulls back and looks at him. 

“I can tell? That’s all you can say after seeing me suffer like this?” 

“What do you want me to say?” 

“I want to hear you say it.” 

“Say what?” 

“You know what.” 

“What? Like this?” 

Illya kisses his neck and whispers into his ear. 

“I love you, Napoleon. I always do.” 

Napoleon grins. “I know.” 

He gives his lover another kiss and turns off the light.

 

\- End -

**Author's Note:**

> I did some research and tried to make it as accurate as possible (the part where Illya explains sleep talking), but if it's not, well... please forgive me :)


End file.
